I suck at life.

Dear Blog,

Today I took a 10-question quiz in History of Animation. I knew three of the answers and filled out seven. I think I am going to get a horrible overall grade in that class (from many consecutive weeks of ignorance), lose my scholarships, and live in a box. It did not help that while he was lecturing, I freaking TRIED to take notes but could not because he had the lights off most of the time: Not only could I not see the paper in front of me while he rambled, but I could not for the life of me stay awake long enough to catch any important information.
It was kind of mortifying to look at the test and just plain not know the answers. For example, one of the questions was, “Who other than <random name> used a wax-slicing machine to make his animations?” Well, I certainly remember learning about that guy, and I also remember a few details about his career. But what the hell was his name? It was not Walt Disney, Chuck Jones, or Tex Avery, so I honestly have no clue. Pretty much everything in that class that I did not hear five minutes earlier WHILE AWAKE leaves my mind like a sieve.

I need to get some sleep one of these days. Not that it would perfect my overall retention, but still…maybe it would make me less irritable about everything. I have been snapping at my computer nonstop for the past few days.

Thank you for listening, darling electrons,
Violet Black

As long as it is before my bedtime, another quick entry-rant thing

Dear Blog,

It occurred to me tonight that probably the only topics that could make me crush a beverage container are autism and abortion. This came up when observing that The Ex-Long-Haired-Kid is in a Facebook group supporting partial-birth abortions (a.k.a. vacuuming out a preterm-but-not-completely-delivered baby’s brains out until her skull collapses). It was, in fact, the very same group that ate my girlpower whole, crapped it out, and peed on it for good measure–the group that inspired my refusal to allow anyone to refer to me by the word “woman”. So anyway, I was thinking about the subject (which is probably not physically healthy for an already-stressed body) as long as showers give me ample opportunity for reflection. This occurred to me: Mother was sick when I was born. When she sacrificed her medication for my sake, she got horribly anemic to the point where I was expected to be born retarded. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED. By the grace of God (whose ways are most definitely incomprehensible to humanity…o_0), here I am. So when these people talk about how kiddies should be dismembered/salinated/brain-drained for various reasons, they are talking ABOUT ME. If my mother had been any other person or had a different kind of past, I WOULD BE DEAD. What right do they have to want me dead? (As an interesting but irrelevant note, one guy in the abortion group started ranting about how the sanctity of life is religious crap, and that it interferes with a person’s right to their body. Wait a minute, I have a right to my body but not the right to keep my body alive? In what universe is that remotely logical?) And somehow those feelings of very severely wanting to break something reminded me of an identical negative rush I got in one of those Facebook groups where atheists who have been kicked out of every party within a hundred miles of their hometowns sit around and bait Christians. A certain individual happened to say, in his contribution to a long list of reasons they refuse to believe in God, said, “I refuse to believe in a God who knows that the autism rate is skyrocketing and isn’t doing anything to stop it!” Excuse me, little boy, but this is YOUR DOMAIN. YOU can go buy the gun your GOD-FORSAKING SELF and come put the bullet in me YOURSELF so you can get rid of these horrible genes that just happen to make me smarter than you (oh, the horror!). (For bonus points, try willing your hedonistic flesh to get rid of me when I am wearing something tight.)

Yeah…all this emotion. At least I have an outlet.

Thanks for listening, mindless electrons!
~Violet Black

Postscript: Yes, yes it is 5:31am and yes, I do have a 9:00 class on the other campus. Stop looking at me like that, mindless electrons.

Brief update

Dear Blog,

I am not depressed anymore. Sure, I am still killing myself slowly and whatnot, but I am cool with it (for some reason).

I spent the time after Japanese class with Hayley…playing the Sims, going to the cafeteria, baking cookies, visiting other people’s dorms, and of course attending anime club. I am doing friend stuff like a human bean! ❤

In other news, The Ex-Long-Haired-Kid, alias “Dan” among Earth creatures, glimpsed my panties because my stupid clothes like to sag on me. D*** clothes, they fit fine when I got them. This turn of events distresses me, especially after I figured out that Random Dorm Occupant Dan = The (now-Ex-)Long-Haired-Kid and began caring whether he formed any opinions of me. Because people who have at any point in their lives had long hair are not allowed to observe me or my undergarments. It is the law.

Love of some sort,
Violet Black