I want to go where I can’t kill me.

17 10 2007

Dear Blog,

If you have been following my life for the past year or so, you probably know that I am in the process of committing a slow and undeliberate suicide by way of starvation, sleep deprivation, and possibly stress. (Starvation is no longer the threat it once was now that I have discovered shrink-wrapped tuna and the Governor’s cafeteria.)

But seriously now, it is 5:07 5:19am. I have a class on the South Campus at 9:00am, followed by two other classes (one of which has unfinished homework due and the other which probably has a quiz). The next day, I have a midterm in Japanese. I am also behind in my assigned reading by several chapters in two of my textbooks. I guess I have no willpower whatsoever. I know that part of the reason I was up so late tonight was that I did not get in my online time earlier today, having stayed around the academic spine region after my last class for an advisement, food, and anime club. I got back at about 11:00 and promptly resumed my regularly scheduled websurfing.

I may be even more depressed from having read a forum thread by a Le Vey Satanist who insists that he does not want to go to heaven (or anywhere, for that matter) because he is perfectly happy being unhappy (o_0?) .

Then I logged off, took a shower, and started thinking about how nice it would be to just cut class for a few weeks, take a backpack full of snacks and beverages as well as a very large self-defensive weapon, and just retreat into a very quiet corner of the woods somewhere to start my freaking webcomic already. Then I realized I would need toilet paper and various other items, and the whole thing fell through. (Not to mention the fact that having sabotaged my academic progress, I would of course have to live in the box for the rest of my life.) There is no friggen’ escape, I tell ya.

I know I should not be this depressed–not like my best friend died or anything–but the fact that I do not even have a “best friend” to help me not find new and unnecessary ways to kill myself with negligence kind of…bugs me a little.

Violet Black




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