Not doing so well with homework

24 09 2007

Dear Blog,

In Japanese class today, I realized that we had had a homework assignment that I had not done. Probably due in part to the self-help tapes, I was not severely traumatized, but it is still far from a good thing. (I think I shall try to get it done tonight just for the heck of it.) I am worried about how I am progressing with school, though, since it was right on the syllabus. I had just been relying on my teachers’ verbal instructions to let me know what was due when, and apparently I had not been prompted to write down anything about this particular assignment.

Furthermore, I am supposed to write an essay for filmmaking class tomorrow about at least two documents which were supposed to be E-mailed to me, so today I took on the monumentous task of cleaning out my E-mail. I found an E-mail about my LAST essay in that class (which would have been useful to me if I had seen it back THEN), but I still do not know where the documents are that I am supposed to be writing about.

Furthermore, I have BASIC tonight, and I want to sleep.

I suck at time management. And pretty much everything else.

How is the floor coming along?

Love,
Violet Black

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Violet’s Quest Part II

18 09 2007

Dear Blog,

The Lord is gracious. I got the darn thing filmed. I finished it 10 minutes before class on the remainder of the torn film, and the frames actually advanced this time. I am proud of figuring out how to load the stupid Bolex after all that.

Now the problem is: I need a money order for $17 and I need it by 7:00PM today. I only have $13 on me in cash right now, and CVS only accepts cash for money orders. I think I will need a parental bailout or something like that.

I suppose the Lord will provide as always.

Anyway, the teacher does not want my film until she gets my money order. Oi.

Love,
Violet Black





Must be the self-help tapes.

17 09 2007

Dear Blog,

I feel okay.

I am still going to fail my filmmaking class and die, but the guilt over it has dissipated. Today, after I had returned from my first class and brought the filmmaking equipment back over to the Center for the Arts where it would have to be returned in an hour, I quickly shot a film consisting of various shots of my own hands. I did the lighting as well as I knew how and recorded every shot on a piece of (now-dirty) lined paper. I gave my very best effort, and I think I did a decent job.

Then I asked the equipment-returning people where to go to unload the film. It was 10 minutes before noon, when everything is due back. They lent me a key to a dark photo-developing room, where I poked around with the camera in the dark. It was there that I made the sickening discovery that even though I thought I had fixed the messed-up film the night before, part of it was actually broken off, so the vast majority of it was still either on the original roll or in a horrible tangle inside the camera. Thus my efforts were for naught.

But hell. You cannot expect anyone to do better than their best, and I did my best.

Must be the self-help tapes.

There are a few statements on there saying that success is the peace of knowing I did my best, I am contented knowing I did my best, I handle problems by proceeding with my very best effort, etc. Cognitively, to this day I still think it sounds like crap, but…wow. It is actually having an effect on me. I am starting to live according to the tapes. It is weird, and I am still going to starve to death and die, but at least I can die knowing that I did everything I could.

Love,
Violet Black





I hate being trapped.

17 09 2007

Dear Blog,

As long as I am too worried to sleep, I might as well elaborate on why this is a problem. With my camera being due back at noon and my not even knowing whether or not it can still be filmed on, there is not much chance of my being able to replace the footage. So if I am unable to turn something in, I will fail the assignment. If I fail one of the three major assignments in the class, I could get a low grade in the class. If I get a low grade in the class, I could get a low overall average this semester. If I get a low average, I could lose my scholarships. If I lose my scholarships, I will have to drop out of college. If I drop out of college, not only will I have no future, I will also not have much of a present, since my family cannot really afford to support me at home. In fact, we could all end up starving to death in a cardboard box. Therefore, messing up the loading of a roll of film = death. How the hell does anyone deserve to be under that kind of pressure?????

I know I will need to figure out a way to forget my troubles and sleep, since at this rate I am going to get 3 hours and 40 minutes of rest before I have to get up for my South Campus class, but what the hell does it matter if I am going to die?

Death,
Violet Black





I AM SO SCREWED.

17 09 2007

Dear Blog,

Yesterday and today, I did a homework assignment for Intro to Film class. The assignment was to use creative lighting, camera angles, etc. to make a portrait of some part of the human body. Mom yelled at me a lot while I figured out how to load the film crouched on my inexplicably sore legs in the closet with nowhere to set down the evil toaster of a camera while I worked, but eventually we got a bunch of footage of my sister and her eyes. I procrastinated a lot for taking out the film, but eventually I made a “The End” sign series, filmed it until the roll was used up, and then turned out my regular lamp to unload the film by the glaring light of my laptop.

Here comes the problem.

Instead of being neatly coiled around the takeup roll, the film was partly squiggled randomly around the inside of the camera, and mostly stuck on the original roll. Ohhhhhhhh hell. Hell. FSCKING HELLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now what do I do??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

( Note: The camera is due back at the rental place by noon tomorrow/Monday. The assignment itself is due on Tuesday at 11:00. The film will not be viewable/assessable for damage until after it is turned in, because the teacher must send it in to be processed along with all the other students’ rolls.)

Something a trifle too moody for love,
Violet Black





Protected: All nighter

11 09 2007

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Oops, I did it again…

4 09 2007

Dear Blog,

It is 5:30am by my alarm clock and I have no reason to still be awake. My first class is at 11:00 tomorrow, so I will have to get up earlier for breakfast, but…why the hell am I still up??? There is no rational reason for me to be. What the heck is wrong with me?????

Good night,
Violet Black