I talked today.

26 04 2007

Dear Blog,

Okay, you know that Cellar restaurant in the Governors complex? The one I refused to go to because you have to order your own food there?

I talked to the people there today. I had to.

I went to the cafeteria as usual, but then I accidentally left my backpack and coat in the entrance stairway thing, and about 15 seconds after leaving them, I ran back and started knocking on the locked door. And pounding it. And kicking it. And pounding it again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Nobody came. I saw a cleaning person, but there were two TVs on with the volume all the way up, and I thought I also heard strains of music. So no response. Then I remembered that the Cellar was connected to the cafeteria, so desensitized to normal emotions by frustration and fatigue, I marched over to the Cellar and asked about my belongings. They were retrieved, and I went back to my dorm. And we all lived happily ever after. The end.

It did not really make up for my bungling the globalization presentation thingy, though. I wanted to hug my husband and cry, but I could not contact him.

Farewell. I shall sleep now.

Violet Black


Instead of schoolwork, I…

26 04 2007

Hi, I’m Steven! Did you just wake up?

No, wait, you’re almost awake. The hibernation thingy stopped and now you’re sleeping for real. I can tell ’cause I always feel tingly like this when I’m in somebody’s dream.

You’re a DC like me, aren’t you? 🙂

😦 No, not a District of Columbia. Or a direct current. You’re a designer child, remember? That’s the whole reason you guys had to leave on a spaceship. At least that’s what some of the other people here told me.

I didn’t leave on a spaceship, and I definitely wasn’t born on a spaceship like you were. I was born on Earth.

When I was on Earth, I lived in a really big house with five swimming pools and twenty-two ponies and lots and lots of toys. Mommy and Daddy owned a really big company that made designer kids like me! So I think living on a spaceship must be really boring.

But when you wake up you can get off. That’s nice. I don’t know if you can make a big house with five swimming pools and twenty-two ponies and lots of toys yet, though. Maybe you can, but maybe people are still just running around in the woods hunting animals and picking berries. I haven’t been out there in awhile.

It’s kind of hard for me to control where I go. I don’t know why that is.

It’s happened ever since I was seven. I don’t know how old I am now, but I think it’s a long time.

The first time it happened where I couldn’t control where I was going, I was sleeping in my bed and I heard a loud noise and then I started going upward and I couldn’t stop myself.

I really wanted to go back down because I could see Mommy hugging me and crying really, really hard. I don’t know why I could see me. I really wanted to tell her that everything’s gonna be okay, even though I didn’t know what she was crying for, but I couldn’t.

I miss her. I haven’t seen her since then.

I really want to go back to Earth and see my family again. I never would have wanted to go away in a spaceship. I know lots of designer kids got hurt on the news and it really scared me when they showed a picture of one without a head, but Daddy said we had some really good security guards and no one could come in and hurt me even if they wanted to, ever. Then I stopped hiding under my bed at night and let Mommy and Daddy tuck me in again. It was really nice back there and I didn’t want to go.

I don’t know why I had to fly away. Mommy and Daddy probably miss me.

And I miss my nanny and my puppies and my kitty and my hamster and my horses and my video games and my tutors and the butlers and the pool people and the maids and the other kids who came over whenever there was one of those fancy parties.

Except I don’t miss math. My tutors taught me lots of math because they said Daddy designed me really good at it, but I didn’t like math. But I still want to go home.

I wonder how long it’s been.

And you’re still sleeping. Don’t you want to wake up?

If you want you can practice moving around before you wake up. Hibernating a lot probably makes it hard for you to remember how to do things. Or maybe it doesn’t. I don’t know.

I’m glad you guys finally found a place to get off the rocket. You were getting really scared about running out of food.

I don’t eat anymore. I don’t know why.

What are you looking at me like that for? Is there something on my face?

Oh, that. Yeah. It’s just a little ouch and it doesn’t even hurt. I can’t even remember where I got it. I’d put a band-aid on it but I’m not really good at moving stuff around anymore. Maybe you can help me with it later.

You’re going to wake up now? Okay, bye! It was nice meeting you!

You find yourself on the cryonics deck of a spaceship. Your health is 100/100.

Blah blah unrealistic blah.

5 04 2007

Dear Blog,

This makes me discouraged and unhappy.

I have noticed many people posting in various forums looking for teams to make MMORPGs. Most of them start with something like this: “We are a starting company/game studio and we need 3 artists, 2 programmers, 1 musician, etc. for an innovative, never seen before MMORPG where you will have total freedom to do whatever you want and reshape the world, etc. We will pay you when it’s done and we make some money.” Unfortunately, with the current technology and limited bandwidth, you cannot have a dynamic world. Aiming at something impossible leads to failure. Rather, try to come up with a small, functional, expandable design and architecture.

–Part of an article at DevMaster.net


Okay, from looking around at various forums, it seems like everyone and their third cousin twice removed wants to make either a) their own version of Everquest/FFXI/World of Warcraft, or b) The Most Freeform MMORPG Ever. Apparently the former is known to be possible if one is an experienced game/graphics/network programmer, and the latter simply cannot be done and we should revise our specifications.

Okay, so I will just go channel my (limited) energies into learning how to make a game where you can choose to be a human, elf, dwarf, or orc, and you can run around slaying dragons at the request of NPCs so as to gather higher-level equipment!


I think maybe one of the barriers to creating TMFMMORPGE is its association with RPGs. In my opinion, the key would be to leave content/story/gameliness for later and for filling in gaps, and just focus on making an engine that allows the greatest amount of interaction over a network. MMORPG-like playability would just be a side effect of what the program would do. I am starting to think (possibly thanks to the influence of Second Life) that what I am aiming for is a massively multiuser online 3D-modelling program governed by a fancy physics engine and having an interface similar to most action games (i.e. run, jump, kick, grab) (as opposed to more direct modelling tools). Variability would be arrived at through the differing properties of raw materials (i.e. you can cut more things with a pointy diamond implement than a pointy plastic implement), by the importance of physics (i.e. run faster if you want to tackle and knock down something heavy) and by the interdependence of NPC-monster-creature things. I know this would be a lot of programming, but I might as well throw away my free time on something other than Spider Solitaire and online jigsaw puzzles. It at least helps me a little bit to know that this is not an RPG I need to learn about.

I need to learn how to program.

And then I need to learn 3D modelling, or befriend someone who knows, in order to create the ecosystem/player avatars. I think I have about 5 hours total modelling experience, and that was in middle school when I was making simple hairstyles for The Sims. (I am still proud of that, and also proud for some strange reason of the oversimplistic anime-cartoon face I textured. My Sims kind of all looked alike except for coloration and hairstyle at that point. I miss those days.)

Maybe I should just wait until I achieve wealth and success, and then hire Bram Cohen the Great (Aspie inventor of BitTorrent) to do all my programming. I bet he could come up with something really innovative. Yeah, I think I will do that.

I also want to kick the person who unlocked the secret to true AI and patented the d*** thing. I want to use those for the ecosystem!

I am going to need a lot of money.

I guess if I ever got a lot of money, I would need something do with my time other than shoot heroin with celebrities, so this would be good.

I have no idea if anyone would want to “play” the fruits of my labor/employees’ labor. I would probably be too self-conscious to charge money, so yes, I would need to have a lot of money to begin with in order to run it. But I am thinking as far as distribution is concerned…when the Halo 2 generation gets old and their brains start to atrophy, they would need something to keep them sharp. I know that my grandmother has nothing to do all day but watch TV, and she keeps getting loopier and loopier. Can you imagine a roomful of wrinkly old geeks at a nursing home racing to build the most powerful catapult to pwnzor the other team? *laughter for no particular reason* Well, I also would want to see other people playing with such a thing if indeed it got close to the dream it will have been built from, but…yeah.

So in conclusion, I need to win the lottery, buy fancy hardware and software, and hire Aspies to do my bidding. No dream is impossible when you have cash and an army of obsessive nerds!

Violet Black

My parents are a rock star.

3 04 2007

Dear Blog,

My final paper for Postmodern Poetry class is “6-8 pages examining a poet in the Hoover Anthology vis-a-vis her or his manifesto/writings on poetics/theoretical work (unless you have already discussed another topic with me)”. It is due tomorrow. My first class is at 11:00, and then I remain booked pretty much through to the class at which this is due, which begins at 4:00PM.

I have not started my paper.

I have not even chosen whose essay to compare to his/her work.

I thought I had chosen someone, but after taking 2.1 single-spaced Microsoft Word pages worth of notes on her essay, I realized that most of her ramblings have more to do with how present-day human language sucks at describing things than how to write a poem, and in just the last paragraph or two is some indication that language has oddnesses of its own that make structured word-compositions still worth it. Now, how do I judge a poem based on that?

At least her essay was in plan English. Many of the other essays were as opaque as their writers’ poetry. Seriously, I think much of the postmodern poetry community has a severe case of Emperor’s New Clothes Syndrome.

Mom has not been online today or yesterday to give me advice or encouragement or the promise of a prayer. Thankfully, I did find a website that streams Nights With Alice Cooper live from 9:00PM-2:00AM. That actually changed my schedule today–usually I lounge around pretending to do my homework from 9-1:30, then shower and go to bed whenever I am done. Right now it is 9:28 and I have already taken my shower, so I will be ready to go to bed as soon as Alice is done talking. Good ol’ Alice, always there to fill in the holes left by my preordained nurturers. Well, almost always. And he probably has nothing to say about my paper.

Violet Black